Qualifications To Enter An MGA Tournament

 

1.1           Must be a mediocre golfer capable of some very ugly shots

1.2           Must have a valid MGA tour card and online account to enter events

1.3           Must not have caused the MGA any embarrassment at the last tournament

1.4           Embarrassing yourself with your play is acceptable

1.5           Women are in! In fact, we like women so much, they can even play from the ladies tees in the tournaments, assuming that is what their handicap is based on.

1.6           Significant others at tournaments are frowned upon. Very frowned upon.

1.7           Players must have played in 3 regular season events to be eligible to qualify for the World Championships

 

Handicapping

 

2.1           Handicaps are used to bring good players back to mediocre scores. No one in the MGA gets strokes taken off their score, only added.

 

2.2           All players with handicaps better than 18 will be given penalty strokes to compensate for their superhuman performance capabilities.

 

2.2.1 The amount of penalty strokes a player carries is calculated by rounding their handicap up from .5 and down from .4, then subtracting that number from 18. (ex. Handicap of 15.4 = 15, so 18-15=3 penalty strokes) This is automatically calculated on you MGAtour.com profile. You must have at least 5 scores in to calculate a handicap.

 

2.3          Your handicap can only be represented by the handicap feature on MGAtour.com. (That's not new, but this is) Once you enter your first five user scores when setting up your account, that option will go away and all handicaps will be based on your tournament scores from MGA competition. We will use your 8 most recent scores and take the best 3 differentials to determine your handicap.

 

2.3.1 If you have less than five scores registered to your account, you will not be able to generate a handicap and as a result will not be allowed to enter any MGA events. So put some scores in sandbagger!!

 

2.4           The winner of each tournament will receive the following penalty. At the next event they play, they must play from one set of tees further back than everyone else. If they don’t win that event, they will return to the normal tees at the next event. However if they win, they will move back ANOTHER set of tees at the next event and end up two sets of tees behind everyone else! Stop being so damn good! If they don’t win that event, they will return to the normal tees at the next event.

 

2.5          KEY TO THE RED TEE - The player with the highest gross score from each event will unlock the following award. At the next event they play, they are allowed to play from one set of tees further forward than everyone else. If they shoot the highest gross score AGAIN from those tees, they can move forward another set at the next event. If they do not shoot the highest gross score while playing the forward tees, they will return to the normal tees and pass the key on to its new "winner".

 

2.5.1     The "winner" of this award at each event, will pose with the key for a photo op at the awards ceremony. They must then attend the next event to pick up their key at check in and use the magical powers of their prize. If they don't attend the next event, the prize is forfeited. Because if we just gave you this awesome key, you would probably mount it on your wall instead of coming back to cash it in.

2.5.2     Acceptance of this rule is up to the awarded player. If a players ego won’t allow them accept such an award, they are welcome to stay at the normal tees with everyone else and shoot another 147 from there.

2.5.3     The key is not transferrable to another player.

 

Tournament Play

 

3.1           Tournaments are to be played by USGA rules. No improving lies, no mulligans, no gimmes, no grounding clubs in hazards. USGA rules! If you don’t know ‘em, there’s an app for that. Get it!

 

3.2           GPS is allowed!! We’ve decided that now that it’s so affordable on smart phones, why fight it. We suck at golf and need to know how far it is to the green from two fairways over. Don’t like this rule? Then don’t use GPS and give dirty looks to the guys who do.

 

3.3           Always hit a provisional if you think your ball may be O.B. Better safe than sorry.

 

3.3.1 After hitting your provisional straight up the middle of the fairway, you have 3 MINUTES to look for your first ball where you think you lost it. After three minutes you must throw out a few F-bombs and move along, the ball is gone.

3.3.2 If you’ve ignored all our previous suggestions and not hit a provisional, you must drop where your ball went OB and add two penalty strokes. So you hit shot one out of bounds, drop and add two strokes and you’re hitting your fourth to the green (or right back out of bounds). This is different than USGA rules, simply because we can’t hold up the course by walking all the way back to the tee. We’re not Tiger after all.

 

3.4           Everyone should have a scorecard and keep everyone else’s scores in each foursome. It’s a lot easier to confront some loser about his cheating or terrible arithmetic skills if his score seems wrong to all three of you. At the end of the round everyone should compare front and back nine totals for each player before submitting them to the scorekeeper.

 

3.5           If a player is caught cheating he is to be humiliated and ridiculed until he either stops cheating or stops showing up. Both options are acceptable.

 

3.6           The winner of each tournament is the player who shoots the lowest score. Make sure to add any penalty strokes people may be carrying before sorting the final standings.

 

3.7           PLAYOFFS – In the event of a tie at the end of 18 holes, the tied players will contest as many playoff holes as possible and permissible by the course. If the tie cannot be broken with these holes, it will go to a putt-off on the practice green.

 

3.7.1 Putt off – The players will putt at different holes (of similar difficulty) so no one has the advantage of seeing a line. An impartial judge will walk 10 paces from each hole for the player to putt from. They will putt at their hole from 10 paces three times from three different angles chosen by the judge. Lowest total number of putts wins. Repeat until a winner is determined.

 

3.7.2 All players who make it to the playoff and do not win are awarded a tie for second place, regardless of their elimination order.

 

3.8           Prize "money" is distributed to the top 16 players and is automatically calculated by the site when the events are entered. The percentages of the purse are as follows. Yes, we know it doesn’t add up to 100%, but that’s because no one on this tour plays to 100% of their potential. 

3.8.1     If a field has less than 16 players, the overall purse will be reduced by 1/16th for each player they are short of 16. That way players who compete in larger chapters and beat more people will rightly rank higher on the Global Money List. The site automatically calculates the correct purse amount before each event based on number of entrants. The percentage of the total purse awarded to each position (see chart below) remains the same regardless of the overall size of the purse.

 

1st-18%

2nd-12%

3rd-10%

4th-9%

5th-8%

6th-7%

7th-6%

8th-5%

9th-4%

10th-3%

11th-2%

12th-1%

13th-.9%

14th-.7%

15th-.5%

16th-.3%

 

3.8.2 Ties receive the total of the next two positions split evenly. So a tie for 2nd would receive 2nd+3rd money divided by 2.

 

3.9           Players may play only one of each event type (e.g. one F.U. Open) per year. They may play this event in any chapter they desire, but if they attempt to enter the same event a second time in another chapter, the site will block them. Any "money" won at the event they play in, will go to the money list of the chapter they competed in and also to their Global Money total. Money won in chapters other than your home chapter cannot be transferred back to your home chapter’s money list, but will count towards your global total.

         3.9.1 You may now register for any event you desire as a GUEST. You will be included on the registration pages and in the foursomes, but you will not be included in the results. If you play as a GUEST in one event type (e.g. FU Open), you will still be able to enter that same event type later as a COMPETITOR.

 

3.10        Shooting a gross score of 79 or better is automatic disqualification from the tournament, no matter how many penalty strokes you have. This voids all money list awards and most prizes for that tournament. Go join the Web.com Tour asshole.

 

3.10.1 Players who shoot sub-80 are still eligible for the Gross Award, given to the player with the lowest gross score on the day. So while you may plummet on the money list, at least you’ll have the smallest, crappiest trophy we could find to hang on your golf bag.

3.10.2 Players may not three, four, five, six, seven, etc.-putt on purpose on the final green for an 80. Sandbagging will not be tolerated as it violates the 9HDB rule and everything the MGA stands for. If your Chapter Leader hears you sandbagged, he is authorized to penalize you however he damn well pleases. If you’re having a hard time shooting over 80, try playing from the other side of the ball.

 

Special Awards

 

4.1           The Gross Award is given to the player with the lowest gross score on the day. (That means the lowest score before penalty strokes are added.)

 

4.2           The Most Mediocre Award is given to one special player who finishes in the middle in the tournament. It can be given based on exact position or a judgment call based on someone’s exceptionally mediocre play, but the player should finish near the middle of the field to win the award.

 

4.3           The Meltdown award is given to the player with the greatest meltdown differential. If a player shoots a 42 on the front nine and 52 on the back nine, he has a meltdown differential of ten and should be rewarded for being mediocre enough to pull that off. The award DOES NOT go to a player who goes the other way. If a player improves by ten strokes on the back nine, then they are putting distance between themselves and mediocrity and that should never be rewarded!

 

9.H.D.B.     The 9 Hole Douche Bag rule. You must play at least nine holes with a new person before deciding to tell them about the MGA. It’s easy to get excited when you get paired up with someone whose game is just as bad as yours. Beware though, douche bags have an innate ability to seem almost cool for 8.5 holes. Wait until you’re teeing off on the 10th before deciding whether you want to see this person at all the MGA events.

 

MGA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

 

Here’s how to pre-qualify for the World Championship (held Nov. 10&11 in Vegas) and avoid the LO-IQ. Before you can pre-qualify or play in the LO-IQ, you must first become eligible by playing in at least 3 regular season events this season.

 

5.1       Finish top 10 on your chapter’s money list

 

5.2       Win a regular season event

 

5.3       Former World Champions and Global Money Champions get five-year exempt status

 

 

MGA GUIDELINES

These are some recommendations to make your rounds more entertaining. Not rules per se, but it might be good to give them a read.

 

1                During all MGA tournaments, players are required to carry a moistened towel or rag to the green with them. The MGA will make the most inexpensive towel we can find available on our website to help everyone comply with this new rule. We will also offer nicer embroidered towels for people who want to show off how much money they make. This rule has been implemented so players will be in accordance with rule 1.2.

 

1.2             In the rare event that a player hits a green in regulation, he may mark his ball and then choose anyone in his foursome to clean it for him before he putts. He may say, “get that will you” or “here you go” or “not too much spit” or simply, “here bitch” as he either tosses or rolls the ball to his opponent. He may also choose to just crouch to mark his ball and hold it out behind him without making eye contact with anyone. In this situation, the competitor nearest him is expected to come take the ball and clean it thoroughly before lightly placing it back in his opponent’s hand. If a player is in violation of rule 3.11 and does not have a towel with him, he must clean the ball with his shirt or pants leg.

 

1.2.1          Players who hit the green in regulation may choose anyone in their foursome to clean their ball. Even if the player they choose has also hit the green in regulation, he is required to clean their ball while he is having his own ball cleaned by someone else.

 

1.3             On all par 3’s, players who hit the green with their first shot are permitted to do the victory walk. Meaning they may toss their club either on the ground or in the general direction of their bag, snap the Velcro loose on their glove and arrogantly peel it off finger by finger before also tossing that to the ground. They may then take off walking towards the green right down the middle of the hole. During this victory walk, the player will outstretch his dominant hand, without looking back, to receive his putter from his opponent who has already picked up his club and glove for him and placed them back into his bag.

 

1.3.1          If 3 out of 4 players hit the green, the sad sap that missed is responsible for all the equipment left scattered around the tee box. If by some miracle, everyone in the group hits the green, the victory walks cancel each other out and all players are responsible for their own equipment.

 

1.4           Don't be a SLUUUG. If you're a slow player, you are squarely responsible for the long slow death of golf. How's that feel? Try to have fun out there and play faster. We bet your scores will improve. If you're paired up with a slow player, call them a slug a few times and they'll either pick up the pace or get pissed and quit at the turn. Either way, you win!