Chapter News

Baltimore's Sleepers to win MGAWC...did just that...Slept!

12 medios from Baltimore saved their money long enough to make the trip to the World Championship to contend for the Chapter’s Cup. Chapter Leader Garland Griswold felt this was the year Baltimore would climb to the peak of mediocrity and bring home the hardware. He was sadly mistaken as his team found themselves victims of Fremont Street and not being able to handle their “bidness” to bring home the Belt.

This World Championship started out promising as the PollyWog Crew melted faces at the kickoff party. The food truck had some sensational dogs despite no one being man enough to try the Ass Cobra. Baltimore stood strong as they were left hanging with El Presidente and the Yellowknife crew as last ones to leave the party (except for Ian who left early to get his beauty sleep, so he could be well rested to put up a low number in the first round of the tournament and be a part of the Chapter’s Cup as he did two years ago). We were forced to leave as the Saloon was closing doors around us and we ventured back to the Golden Nugget through neighborhoods similar to Hampsterdam on The Wire.

After day one of competition only 1 medio was able to break 100 with Noah Kiehle’s 95 being best in the clubhouse from the team. More surprising was the fact that Chapter Leader Garland Griswold and Chuck Wentz tied at 100 to bring in the next best scores for the team. The scores were high, and the amount of drinks consumed was even higher. After the round, it was the Closest to the Pin and Long Drive contest, but there is no reason to talk about this as no team member showed anything worthy of a measurement as they were all too down on themselves for the 7 hours of poor golf that just happened. Sleeping beauty Ian Alexander quickly realized that 10+ hours of sleep is not good for Vegas golf (115).

The festivities were cut short for the night when the Clark County Sheriff’s Department was called to the course for a fight, or a drill, or a man with a gun, or crazed lunatic wielding an assault riffle, or active shooter protocol, or angry participant from Texas with a side piece?? Not really sure what was going on as the rumors kept swirling (turned out it was an upset neighbor with a BB gun on his front porch pissed off at the rowdy MGA golfers puking in his bushes). For the first time all day the Baltimore chapter felt at home golfing with gunshots in the background and criminal mischief happening all around them similar to the likes of the friendly confines of Clifton Park. We knew we were safe with Chad on our team ready to run down anyone. The night started earlier than anticipated and the men were ready to regroup and start fresh in the morning... or so we thought. As Ian and most of the others on the team found themselves in bed by 7:00pm (LAME), reports say Garland and his two best recruits Erik and Noah found themselves drinking and watching the crazies on the street known as Fremont well into the night. The Jack n Cokes were flowing and hours later after hanging with Tampa Great Greg Tate they somehow found their way to the dance club against their best judgement. Somewhere between 3:00am and 4:00am they realized the bus would be leaving in a few hours and some sleep needed to happen.

Championship Saturday started out with a refreshed Baltimore team ready to put up some low numbers and bounce back from the embarrassing showing that was Day #1. Umm well that is except for the #1 and #2 players from the Chapter money list as they found their day starting with a hangover and throwing up the yellowest of “lemonade” looking foulness. Noah Kiehle started his round shooting a 13 on his opening hole and vomiting for the second time of the day in the greenside ravine as other Medio’s watched and waited as they eyed up their birdie putts. He quickly regrouped and shot even par 36 over the next 9 holes (pretty much the highlight of the golfing from the chapter). Money list #1 Erik “Birdkiller” Bombgardner did not fare as well as he was not able to keep the ball straight as his head continued to spin. Kimi Saito from Los Angeles chapter was quoted as saying “This guy is their Chapter money list winner? For a guy called Birdkiller it did not seem to scare away the buzzards who were following him overhead all day long.” The day was not all bad as fellow 2 check winner Mat “oneT” Coughlin came in with a sub 100, too bad his 7 penalty strokes were tagged on at the end to outshine the glorious Mar score of 90. As for the rest of the Baltimore Medios who were all in bed early resting up the night before? Yeah well it did not help them enough as no others could completely erase the horrendous first day scores. Matt Reaves showed huge improvements by knocking off 18 strokes from his day 1 score which sounds great till you realized how high his day 1 score was (118).

Noah wanted everyone to know that he successfully completed the Hole in Two challenge on the Par 3 8th Hole on the Lexington course by draining a 10ft double breaking snake for birdie. Everyone is now stuck with him for at least 1 more year in the Baltimore MGA as his Top Medio membership will be free this year.

The afterparty was a great time of socializing, reminiscing, and people watching as the new World Champ was showered with drinks and attention, this reporter can attest that a Legend was definitely born, and his liver is sure to die. Shots were poured, and awful dancing would take place. It was not hard distinguishing the golfers from the normal Saturday night crowd in Troy who did not know what to think? A group picture was not available as some people were in bed by 7:00pm again on the last night #embarressingIanAndErik.

A report was made that all 12 members did in fact make their planes home on time and are ready to make the adventure that is the MGAWC again in the near future. At the baggage claim in BWI airport Erik “Birdkiller” Bombgardner was quoted as saying “don’t worry guys next time I will go at this all differently for us.” Which this reporter can only take as meaning he won’t be a bitch and go to bed early on the final night of the trip again.

To highlight the event the World won the Medio Cup, DFT took the Chapter’s Cup, Matt Cougle’s hair is definitely real, extra sleep does NOT help your golf game, and a LOIQ member came out as your World Champion from North Dallas (see Jimmy it could be you next year 3rd times the charm).  The closest any Baltimore member came to winning a trophy was our own Tim Shannon being runner up for the Spirit Animal award, but losing to a guy named Moose is not that surprising at all. Noah, Mat, and Bill’s scores added to 593 which was 42 shots off the lead.

-Noah