BREAKING NEWS: Harris English Revealed To Be Davis Love IV!!
COLUMBUS, OH - Forget Tiger, the biggest news to come from this weekend's Memorial Tournament was the fact that Harris English finally admitted to the press that he is in fact Davis Love IV. The rumors had been swirling since his amateur days. With his exceptional golf game, old man body launguage and penchant for pleated khakis and striped polo shirts, the writing was on the wall.
The shocking truth came to light when the press grew bored during player interviews. Once awakening from their nap during one of Davis' answers, they decided make things intersting and push Love III for the truth. Perhaps because he was bored with his own answers, Love III decided to finally reveal the truth. He admitted to the press that Harris was the result of a 1988 fling he had at a Sandals Resort with Ms. Dolores Walters.
When English was told during his post-round interviews that Love had revealed the truth, he looked... well he looked like he always looks; old, bored and super-white.
"Yes. That is a fact," English said. "But I'd like to keep this interview focused on my golf game. I gave myself a lot of good opportunities out there today. My putter just needed to...."
Unfortunately the rest of the interview was lost as all of the reporters either left or fell asleep.