CHICAGO MGA is DA BEST
The F. U. Open was played this past weekend at The Highland Park Country Club with 20 of the most mediocre golfers this game has ever known. The scores ranged from Pre (ya know….some dude) shooting a 74 to someone (and you know who you are….sweet Jesus, you should seriously be forced to caddy for the F.U. Champion at the next tournament…..or at the very least, send the Head Grounds Keeper a letter of apology for all the work he probably had to do cleaning up your wake) shooting a 148. If that isn’t sad enough……how would you have liked to have been one of the two poor saps that were with them…..that’s right folks, the 74 and the 148 were both in the same foursome. For the first time in 2 years, I’m without speech.
Brian Riley finally got those sticks in check and shot an 86 to win his first tourney of the year….this victory legitimizes roughly half of the verbal diarrhea that has spewed from his mouth over the past 2 years about how good his golf game is……..HALF…….half. Eric Stern, Jeff Bittner, Jett Miller, and Shane O’Donoghue rounded out the top 5 spots with some other scores….we won’t waste your time with those.
Keith Ortman beat out Chris Principe by 6 strokes to take 15th place and a grand prize of $.05. While it’s yet to be confirmed, rumor has it that he blew his winnings on a rub on Selena Gomez tattoo while at a pit stop on the way home……..while this is yet to be confirmed (not that I could give two squirts of piss about libel or slander for that matter)…….this is me standing and applauding. She’s still not as cute as Bieber, but that’s still pretty damn funny.
The award for “Best Dressed Yahoo” was given (without debate mind you) to Jett Miller, who’s blatant disregard for nearly every rule of course attire was nothing shy of breathtaking. Jett sported an American Flag tank top and no underpants (REALLY boss)……….much to the chagrin of the drunken Scots who invented the game of golf, was not asked to leave the course. Good for you Highland Park…..thanks for partyin’. Those old Scots were spinning in their graves like rotisserie…..which is really what it’s about.
The next tourney will be on July 22nd at high noon!
http://www.mgatour.com/events/chicago-bratish-open-2012 Sign up here for the time of your life.