Chapter News

Enthusiasm is High, as Inland Empire hosts the 1st (unofficial) MGA tourney of 2018 !!!

IEMGA Record Field of Medios for the Uninspirationally titled New Years Scramble ...

New Medios Dominate the Leaderboard as OG's reminisce about the Good Ole' Days of 2017 ...

And A True Shocker No One Would Have Imagined...  

NORCO, CA - I must start 2018 off with an offer of Congratulations.  Congratulations to every MGA Medio Worldwide NOT named Matthew Ittner. For yet another year you have shown your golf game is Mediocre at best, and have accepted it with all of your booze soaked souls. To Mr. Ittner condolences are due, for facing a long rust gathering offseason of fending off Mediocre Women that will inevitably flock to all the glory that is the MGA Championship Belt. How will your Superior Game Endure? Nick Hinton couldn't hold on to it, can you? Condolences also go out to Jeremy Pilkerton for what could have been, and to Las Vegas for losing RayGo to relocation/Free Agency and one less chance at beating those LVMGA Superwomen. IN LATE BREAKING MGA NEWS, an unprecedented move has been made by Inland Empire as they have signed Free Agent RayGo away from Las Vegas just in time for the two-man scramble only to promptly trade him away to the LA chapter for at least One of the Brothers Atherton... Additional Condolences are due to the Boston, Baltimore, and DC MGA and the rest of the Eastern Seaboard, (even all of those Crazy Floridian Medios) who somehow just endured something called a Snow Bomb Cyclone. Between that , Firenados & Thunder Snow, one could think the END IS NEAR... For Jebus sake, at time of printing It is currently -30 F in Yellowknife, with wind chill hovering somewhere around -50 F !!! All the while here in Southern California, Weed is Legal, Conservatives want to overturn it already, and Liberals heads are still exploding daily upon realizing Trump is actually President. Welcome to 2018 MGA, The 10th and Biggest Ever Edition of the MGA World Championship is only 10 months away! Oh, and One final Condolence goes out to Miguel Slowvick, not for the weather in Arizona, but simply for BEING MIGUEL SLOWVICK !!!       

On a beautiful, partly cloudy, 67 F January day, the IEMGA gathered at the spectaular Wolf Creek-esque Hidden Valley Golf Club which meanders over, through, and around the nearby Norco Hills.  With a record field of 30 potential 2018 Medios, nearly half of the faces were brand new and quickly assured last years Medios that it's gonna be an entirely different season from the inagural one. Dispite the unfamiliarity, the chatter amongst the field was heard regularly throughout the course and made an otherwise slow round a great opportunity to get to know the group ahead of you... and behind you... and three holes over... at one point on the front 9 there was IEMGA Medios as far as the eye could see. It was pretty awesome. Anyways, Medios were instructed to form a two man scramble team where Handicaps would be added by number of strokes under 18. After each taking a drive, choose the best shot of the two and both play your 2nd shot from there and so on... the only Cavet was the ball you pick to play should be played as it lies by the player who hit it. Their Teammate may place their ball within one club length no closer to the pin and take their shot from there... And so it went...  2017 IEMGA Mediocre Golfer of the Year, Chris "Mediocre Tiger" Garcia got an extremely spirited introduction by CL Jstar, as the first Medio, on the 1st tee of 2018, and the (pre)season was underway.   

As Medios made their way past the 5th hole, and Wild Turkey and everyone else failed to record an Ace or do much of anything of note, the field started to separate themselves in score after the uphill Par 5 6th. Thanks to another back up on the Drivable Par 4 7th, several groups were present on the tee to witness what turned out to be the shot of the day. Another New Medio for 2018 "Hungry" Howie Henry took a look at the 260 yd carry over water to the green on a straight line and opted to aim out left and play his Strong Fade. The ball took flight and landed some 60-80 yds left of the green and proceeded to continuing rolling right all the way down to the green... across the green... and ... it's still going... come on.... come on... get in the hole!!! And It just barely lips the cup and rolls to a few feet. Of course in true Mediocre Fashion, Hungry Howie missed the tap in for a Malbatross but his teammate Devin Hundley knocked it in and they finished the front 9 at -2. And while Devin is sure to be in the top 3 for Long Drives all season, their +9 team score on the back dropped them into a tie for 3rd place (net).   

Two other new Medios and witnesses to the shot of the day, were Ryan Davis and the unappropriately nicknamed Sir Edmund Hackery. Edmund and Ryan actually came in with the lowest combined handicap (15 + 15) in the field and finished in a tie for the 2nd lowest gross score at 77. Their 6 strokes brought their Net up to an 83 which fell just above the Mediocre Line in a tie with CL Jstar and brother Wild Turkey. Nice first round and we'll drop the Hackery and keep the Sir Edmund until the day you earn something more befitting. Serves me right for knighting someone a hack before ever seeing them play!     

Amidst all of the new faces there was an actual Gramicane sighting, who after months of saying he was off of golf until March came out and drove the ball with the force of his nickname. Too bad neither He nor Brian could hit an approach shot from under 100 all day. But it seemed to be a common theme throughout the field and didn't hurt them too badly as they finished just one spot below the Mediocre Line. 

2017 IEMGA guests, David Crawford and Captain Patrick Morgan teamed up and jubliently battled through the 3rd worst score on the day but still managed to come in under 90 at 88. Not too bad for a 25 and 40 Handicapper. I have yet to see Patrick's decision to pull out "Woody" the Wood Wood pay off but he went to it yet again on the Kinda Long Drive Hole. At least it matches his outfit !!!   

Another New Medio and brother in law of Tim "19 aka the most mediocre moment of 2017" Minamyer, Matt Denaple walked away one of the big winners on the day. Not Only did he and Tim WIN A FREE TWOSOME to Hidden Valley for the MOST MEDIOCRE SCORE OF THE DAY (84) , but he also cashed in on a Gift Certificate to NEW IEMGA SPONSOR GOLFLANDWAREHOUSE.COM  for his Kinda Close shot on #13. We are really excited and appreciative to recieve support and encouragement from a small privately owned golf shop. Please at least give yourself a chance to support those who support us and go check out their site for golf stuff or stop by and visit them if you're in the area. We'll have more from and about them in the coming months. Two other Gift Certificates were also awarded for winning stat of the Tournament, which in this case was Mars (Mediocre Pars aka Bogeys).     

With the least amount of Mars on the day, Our Winners (picture not found) Alex Larson and aspiring British Super Villian Neil Ashworth walked away without trophies and prizes to go do "I have a life stuff". No worries, maybe we can get a pic with them PostRoundously at the Am-Am on St. Pattys Day!  Congrats on the Gross/Net score of 77, we'll only call you sandbaggers until you put up the inevitable triple digit round and then we'll know you truly belong. One of the great things about the MGA is you can't hide from your handicap, it will always find you! Honorable mention goes out to New Medios Tommy Cochran and Sandon Button for shooting the LOW Gross of (75). Either the 3 penalty strokes they carried were well warrented or they shot the round of their lives... Either way congrats and we got some clear frontrunners heading into the new season.    

And for the Suprises...

Lawrence Kelly was runner up for IEMGA's 2017 Mediocre golfer of the year award. He had some highlights last season finishing as high as 4th but generally fell somewhere near the middle of the pack. So if you asked anyone in our Chapter who would come in with the lowest score at the Scramble from the OG Medios, I'd wager no one would've picked Larry, himself included! But he struck the ball well, made some clutch putts and picked up the slack whenever his teammate faltered and vice versa... His Teammate, 2nd time guest and crowd favorite, "Gay Tim OC" (with the hot young GF) , came in with his usual enthusiasm, humor, and magnetic personality that makes him the life of the party. Unfortunately We've learned he is headed back east and this was the last we've seen of him for a little while at least. If he ends up hooking up with the D.C. Chapter I'll go ahead and say your welcome ahead of time. To all of your new adventures bud Cheers! You'll always have a home here in So Cal! 


An yet an even bigger surprise was still to come! Ricky Dick Dunham and the Medio formally know as Ryan "Red Key" Kelly combined to claim 6 of the 8 Red Keys awarded last season. By teaming up their sole goal was to not finish last but the odds were stacked heavily against them. To make it even more ridiculous, Somewhere around the 14th hole port a potty, Ricky succumbed to the Flu that's been going around skull fucking anyone who breathes and Ryan finished the team score on the last four holes playing only his own ball and in near darkness the last two holes. They finished at 96 as 1 of only 2 groups to not break 90 (Gross&net). But they didn't finish last ! 

But the biggest Suprise of the day was saved for last. It is so shocking that I still don't believe it happened and am about to double check the scorecards... After checking, rechecking, and pulling all available Security footage apparently somehow someway it has happened. Ricky Ryan and everyone else in the field beat TWO TIME 2017 BIG CHECK WINNER and owner of the LOWEST HANDICAP in the IEMGA, Screw You Kyle and teammate Mike "Nick Bermuda" Kemp. Kemp finished as high as 4th last year and as low as 2nd to last but he's been as Mediocre as any of us so far, but for those of you who don't know Screw You Kyle, as soon as he joined the general consensus was, "this guy's gonna win every tournament he plays in". But Golf is a wiley witch and the curse on Kyle's game as of late needs to be broken before he leads the team into competition at the SO CAL Regional MGA event dubbed "La Copa". It hasn't been a question of taking HIS score, its who else fails at failing enough for us to post a decent 3 man number. So if this was any indicator of what is to follow on January 20th , we got a long drive home coming! 

We will be posting live updates from La Copa on January 20th in Dana Point for you fellow Medios who want to see how our chapter fares. Follow the action on Instagram @iemga and get signed up for the season! Another thanks to Hidden Valley for hosting and for the awesome prize donation along with new sponsor Golfland Warehouse in SLO. After La Copa we're off until the season starts on St. Patrick's Day 3/17/18, so use those two months to play with some fellow Medios, recruit some new ones, or completely ignore your golf game all together and a give CL Jstar some semblance of a chance at defending the 2017 Chapter Money Title !!! Happy Golfing Eveeryone !!! 

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Panel Of Experts (3)


I AM Currently negotiating a new contract for raygo as we speak . I have a-rod trying to make the trade back to las vegas . we are offering a one time visa and 2 tickets to the las vegas knights as trade bait ........ we hope to see him very soon

Oh... and CONGRATS to Jason Jmoney Moyer for WINNING KINDA LONG... hope that putting aid goes to good use!

Make it Raiders Tickets and I'll see what I can do to facilitate...