Golf Robot Narrowly Loses To Snedeker After Software Malfunction On 18

**UPDATE**

The KS2K12 received some critical software updates this week after its narrow defeat last Sunday. The updates included an improved and more reliable spin rate calculator and a small improvement in expression technology. The KS2K12 was also programmed with an expirimental set of code, aimed at enabling the machine with the capability to step its game up in important situations. The code seems to have worked as the KS2K12 came from 8 strokes back on Sunday to win the Waste Management Phoenix Open. Humans beware.

OFFICIAL STORY

LA JOLLA, CA - Score one for the human resistance. Brandt "I'm obviously a human" Snedeker, took the fight directly to the Kyle Stanley 2K12 golf android and won. He looked him straight in his hollow, lifeless eyes and said, "We will not yield to your mechanical ways." Then with a little help from a software glitch in the KS2K12 on 18 and some further help from a TV tower, Snedeker went on to defeat the robot at the Farmers Insurance Open.

It was the narrowest of victories and the latest in a series of warning shots being fired across the bow of the human resistance. The KS2K12 came to 18 in the final group, with a three shot lead over Snedeker, who was already in the clubhouse. Snedeker was no doubt packing his bags as the KS2K12 coldly stared down the 18th and blasted its typical 340 yard drive. The drive however was the first sign of trouble for the machine, as it rolled into the first cut instead of stopping in the center of the fairway.

The KS2K12 stood motionless behind its drive as its caddie/operator entered yardage and wind information into the small keyboard located on its back. The crowd waited patiently as the machine crunched the numbers and weighed its options against the leaderboard situation. As expected, it laid up to 89 yards, the perfect distance for its sand wedge.

With its sand wedge in hand, the KS2K12 ran some algorithms as it approached the ball. After the caddie/operator aligned the machine, he stepped back so as not to get sprayed with any high-temp bearing grease during the swing. The machine executed what looked like a perfect golf swing and the ball landed on the green 6 feet past the flag. Shockingly though, the ball spun back off the front of the green and into the water hazard! The machine gave a blank stare as it tried to compute what had just happened.

As Nick Faldo repeatedly talked on-air about the gears spinning in the KS2K12’s head, it walked up and mechanically took a drop. Clearly suffering from software issues, it executed a poor wedge shot and a three-putt to finish with an 8 on the hole and go into a playoff with Snedeker.

The machine never stood a chance in the playoff. With a total lack of human emotions, it was unable to raise its game when it mattered most. Despite hitting all the fairways and greens in regulation as it had been programmed to do, it could only watch helplessly as Snedeker demonstrated the power of the human spirit. 

On the first playoff hole, Snedeker would make a human mistake and pull his drive left into a sand trap. Since it was a par 5, he was able to lay up to the fairway and hit a brilliant third shot to three feet. Both players birdied the hole, so they went on to a second playoff hole.

It was a great day for the humans, but we must never let our guard down. Multiple golf androids have already scored PGA Tour wins and they show no signs of slowing. Currently they are easily spotted, but it’s only a matter of time until expression technology catches up with swing technology.

Until then, fight the good fight and continue to demonstrate your propensity for human error and emotion on the course. We know you will. Viva la resistance!