Chapter News

IEMGA DBI - One Blowup Hole From Victory

CORONA, CA - On 9/23/17 a chapter record 18 "golfers" attended the Douchebag Invitational at Glen Ivy Golf Club. Shots of Tequlia were taken, and refused... and the cart girl provided the rest. Everyone arrived timely and all groups went out without delay after hitting up the range and putting green... really great when everything runs smoothly. Anyways, thanks to everyone who made it out, and to the guests, hopefully you "get it" and will join up next year. As far as the tourney, Kyle wins his 2nd Tournament of the season, barely edging out Jeff "Wild Turkey" Olson by one stroke (Net). Although Wild Turkey agonized over the wasted strokes that would have gave him his 1st Big Check, he still went from 2nd to last at the MGA to his first 2nd place finish of the year and first time breaking 100 in a tourney! Congrats to both of you! The rest of us, although decent golfers capable of epic shots, can't seem to avoid that one blowup hole... I'm not going to count how many double-digit holes were carded collectively but it comes prolly comes close to averaging out to one a person. Gotta love some Mediocrity. 

Chris "Mediocre Tiger" Garcia also finally broke 100 in a tourney for the first time all season thanks to an uncharacteristic barrage of GIR's. Unfortunately several 3 and 4 putts kept him from getting that V but he still cashed in with his highest finish of the season with a solid 3rd Place. IEMGA Guest Gil, "Gilbo Baggins" came out hot shooting a 44 on the front but stumbled home with a 54 on the back for a 98. It was still good enough to win him a leftover blank check for $0.00 for the lowest guest score. To round out their 3some IEMGA Guest J-Money Moyer turned heads with his monster drives one that even reached the green on the dogleg right par 4 16th! Unfortunately Mediocre Tiger must have snuck J-Money a copy of my not so best-selling book, "How to ruin a great drive" because after the boom stick it was tough sledding into the cup. Once he's playing more regularly the short game usually improves and even Kyle might have some competition! 

Brian Carson doesn't need a reason to show up in a loud outfit but when given a reason, boy does he bring it. Rocking a sleeveless Blue "Grumpy Bear" top, Brian's oversight that the furry vest was going turn into a sweat box provided some entertainment. For those of you unfamiliar with the Care Bears, a quick Wiki search reveals, "Grumpy Bear shows that while it's ok to be grumpy sometimes, it is also silly to let grumpiness go to far. He is cynical, surley, and rarely happy, hence his name, but he does value his friends and smiles on special occassions". Sounds about right, hahahaha...

Tim showed up ready to battle through back pain but unfortunately had to withdraw after only a few holes. While it was a bummer, this gave him plenty of time to drink and talk trash to his guest Matt Denaple. For a guy who doesn't get the chance to get out on the course much, he played through inconsistency and Tim's attempts at sabatoge to come in at 111 and avoided being the highest scoring guest. 

To round out the foursome, IEMGA guest Colin came in 3rd amongst the guests at 104 and would have edged out Brian by 1 stroke had he competed. He also brought home a prize for the "STAT of the TOURNAMENT". For hitting the most Mediocre amount of OB's he was awarded a Douchey supply of LA Looks Hair Gel. Way to go bud, hope to see ya'll as Medios next season! 

Ricky Dick Dunham had quite a day. We are all Medios here but Ricky really raised (or lowered the bar depending on your viewpoint). His IEMGA record high 148 strokes edged out Rainey's 147 from the FU Open to set a new level of Mediocrity.  And it came from the Red Tees which he refuses to skip until he plays his way out of the distinction. Honorable man that Ricky Dick. He snagged the Bag-O-Balls and Sunny D for hitting the most OB's on the day which including 5 on the 1st hole ended up at a whopping 25... wow... 25 OB's ... I played with him and looking back I still can't concieve how that happened. The next most OB's was 11 so there was no real competition for this "award".

Ryan Kelly was having a great back 9 until a blowup on 17 took him out of the running for the Top 5 on the day. Alex Rainey showed up looking like Billy Zabka from Karate Kid and walked away with the Kinda Long award along with an impressive 37 stroke improvement from his previos tournament. Sweep the Leg! Jstar barely came in under the Mediocre line and didn't have much to say other than how glad he was everyone showed up on time. Great tourney guys!  

Event Results

1.Kyle Rossi93$0.93
2.Jeff Olson94$0.62
3.Christopher Garcia98$0.52
4.J "far from a star" Olson102$0.44
4.Daniel Gurbada102$0.44
6.Brian Carson105$0.36
7.Lawrence Kelly106$0.31
8.Alex Rainey110$0.26
9.Ryan Kelly111$0.21
10.Mike Kemp115$0.15
11.Richard Dunham148$0.10
12.Tim MinamyerDNF$0.00