IEMGA at GREEN River... Magically Delicious!!!
CORONA, CA - On 3/18/17 the IEMGA humbly, yet enthusiastically started out their first tournament ever with shots of Irish Whiskey and PBR's. Expectations were low, but there was a definite buzz about the course as 7 of the 8 original IEMGA Medios descended upon an unsuspecting driving range in near perfect mid-high 70's weather. Thanks to a couple guys "coming in a lil hot" and redeeming their range codes before putting a bucket down to catch the balls, the eventual Am-Am Champions made quite a Mediocre entrance!
Before teeing off, Medios were instructed to keep track of how many of their shots hit a tree (Leaves and Large Ground Roots counted but Ricochets did not count as multiples). Throughout the day anyone within reasonable earshot could hear someone yell out "Tree" followed by a group of cackles. It was a joke that suprisingly never grew old... (more on this later).
About halfway into the 1st hole after already hitting two trees and realizing he didn't grab a marker, Jstar announced that the closest to the pin competition would held on hole #2. After both groups took their shots and NOBODY hit the green, the "competition" was reassigned to hole #13... (also more on this later)
Near the beginning of the back 9, mumurs started circulating throughout the group that someone had actually carded a 39 on the front... a 39... WTF!!! As most of the group was bunched up in a pack around 50, by hole #13 all attention was on J "far from a star" Olson, who after starting the back 9 off, par-bogey-par, was actually playing up to his Jstar nickname for once. Could the IEMGA have it's first DQ the first time out?!! No one in the group had ever broken 80 so it seemed virtually impossible coming in.
Due to a bottleneck caused by two nameless D-Bags who appeared out of nowhere on #13 (and were widely speculated to be on acid due to their irrattic behavior), All 7 Medios met up on the tee box and took their shots at the 13th green for closest to the pin... and all 7 missed the green... AGAIN!!! Only one par 3 left... move the "competition" to #16!
After the first group finished #16 with two water balls and no GIR's to show for it, they paused on the 17th tee box to watch the last three "competitors" each take their shots... AND MISS YET AGAIN.. oh the collective shame. That's not even Mediocre, it's just bad. (Although to the groups credit, there were two other par 3's on the front which were hit off of the tee but that were not designated "closest to the pin holes", so no prize was awarded).
Once the scorecards were collected and post round beers ordered, the IEMGA awarded the two-headed trophies to the winners of the day. Jstar made a remark about feeling slightly guilty about winning the team portion as he assigned the teams (next year players choice!),but he didn't know both he and Gramicane would have personal best type days! But after calculating that even if he had teamed up with the "Key to the Red Tee" winner Ryan Kelly, and the 2nd and 3rd place winners happened to team up, his team would've still won by a stroke, 199 to 200, and he graciously accepted the award.
After Tying his all-time best 9 hole score from 18 years ago on the front 9, Jstar stumbled home with a respectable 45 to finish at 84 and win the big check. But amazingly enough, due to his unworldly low front 9 and everyone elses relative consistancy, he also claimed the meltdown award. Does the IEMGA have the 1st ever "Big Check/Meltdown Award" combo winner?
But the real kick of the awards ceremony was announcing the results of the "battle with the trees". 2nd place winner and Am-Am champion Gramicane took home a Green River HAT since he only hit FOUR TREES (BS) all day and didn't get any shade from them. Lawrence Kelly who also took home the Mediocre Award for his 4th place finish at a 104, hit the most "Mediocre" amount of trees (7) and won a Green River ball marker. But the man of the minute turned out to be Chris "The Poor Man's Tiger Woods" Garcia, who managed to hit a tree with 13 of his shots, "beating" out the Key to the Red Tee winner Ryan Kelly (who actually played a great round despite his score) and hit 10 trees of his own. For his efforts, Chris walked away with an actual 1iron so he could get out from under those trees next time he finds himself in 'em!
All in all in was an amazing day! Much thanks are due to Green River for hosting a great event and to everyone who was able to make it! Can't wait until the 1st major on April 15th at Indian Hills, see y'all there!