MGABoston -- The Bear Claims Third Win!
The writeup for the MGABoston’s F.U. Open was delayed significantly amid allegations of performance-enhancing drug use by the champ, the Golden Bear. While the investigation is still on-going, how else can any logical human being explain the Bear’s dominance of such an elite group of golfers?
For the third time this season, the Bear has taken top prize. He has won every event he’s entered and sits impressively in third place on the GML, despite missing the Bastards completely. I think I speak for much of the golfing world when I say, “Screw you, Berk! Let someone else have a go, ya jerk.”
The event itself marked the first time the chapter ventured west, down the Pike, to the city of Worcester (“dollar twenty-five, pal”), the homeland of one Tom “The Guvnah” Spenard. First stop: Green Hill golf Course. These keen businessmen never batted an eye when the MGABoston descended and blew America all over their faces, HOOOOOOO! (be sure to check out the top comment by davidallenroth).
For anyone who’s never been to the City of Seven Hills, it’s all fucking hills. They settled on seven because that’s the number of fingers on the one guy in Worcester who could count. The elevation changes were epic (The 18th hole par 4 features an immediate 150 descent off the tee to a fairway that sloped at an 89 degree angle into a pond…good times).
The surprise start of the day came from Shaun Neville who exploded out of the gate on a rocket of red, white, and blue. Neville hit the turn at a 42, with a one stroke lead over the GB. PF Chang, The Mosquito, and the Fuzz tried to hold on, at 47, 47, and 48 respectively. Unfortunately, for Neville, sometimes when you ride too close to the sun, you get burned. His back-9 58 gave him a Meltdown of 16, nearly edging Gatesy for the all-time record.
It would set up one of the strangest award results ever: the Meltdown AND the Low Net award. Even with a Meltdown of 16, Neville still shot the best handicap-adjusted round of the day, and finished in 5th place, another solid showing. Sort of.
In his return home, The Guvnah, finished right in the middle of the pack, a true man of the people. Not showing off, not falling behind, the Guvnah took home another Golden M.
In other awards news, The Mosquito continues to show everyone how weak and feeble they are, taking home BOTH long drive honors. But as the saying goes, “Drive for show, putt/chip/irons for dough.” Unable to do any of the latter, Ferraro fell again to the Bear.
Closest to the Pin on the front went to newcomer (can we get this guy a nickname already?) Collins. (Seriously, a bumper sticker to the guy who comes up with the best nickname for him). While CTP on the back went to The Fuzz, who finished in a third place tie with PF at 99.
But the story of the day, the season, maybe even…The World, belonged to The Golden Bear, whose sheer dominance has him poised to vault to the top of the GML for the first time in his career. With another win at the upcoming Bratish Open, where he is the reigning champion, Berk would not only retain the Clarret Jugs but virtually lock up the chapter money title with three events to go.