Newcastle F.U. Open 2012

F U – Scooter Bloomer

Congratulations again to Scooter (Late) Bloomer. Newcastle, AUS, MGA 2012 “F U Open Champion”

On a wet and shitty morning only 5 Newcastle medios descended upon Merewether Golf Club for the 2012 Newcastle MGA F U Open. The day started well early with Benson collecting No 2 and Captain Mal in pitch black probably due to the nights previous activities. First crushing news was that carts would be unavailable due to the massive amount of rain that had lashed the east coast of Australia. After hoing and humming as to wether to postpone until the long weekend in June and better weather we decided against our better judgement to play on, as Scooter had made the trip up the F3 from Sydney to claim what would be his first major of the year, F.U & well done Scooter.

The highlights of the day was watching Tas Ellen put 5 balls in a row into the water on the second only to go and put another one in on his approach to the green. Tas limped away with an 18. That’s right folks an 18, eighteen…and also the meltdown award with a differential of 16.

Not to be out down was Captain Mal Hure on the next hole the short par three nearest the pin. Mal fell short of the green and with what should have been a simple bump and run turned into a rushed shot that come off the heel of the club and ended up in the green side bunker. That’s when the laughs began. 

Benson (aka Count Dracula ah ha ha) counted from the side to each and every shot that Mal swung and could not get the ball out of the bunker. One - ah ha ha, Two – ah ha ha, Three – ah ha ha, Four – ah ha ha. Then it got tiresome. Mal continued to swing and miss getting the ball out for another five strokes to which he then started swinging in anger - another four strokes. He looked up as the rain continued to piss down and asked, “Where am I at?” to which the reply was that stroke was 13.  With some sort of composure he hit his next shot out of the bunker and onto the green which now looked liked a section had been cured and recovered with all the sand from the bunker. 

Once on the green to clean and mark his ball it was only then that he realised that he had been swinging at Tas’s ball and the nightmare unfolded. He went onto to three putt and walked off the par three with a 17…hurting. He has since sent his resume out to all the surrounding Hunter Valley mines that have asked for minimum 12 months experience. Dead set that man moved more earth in 14 shots than most miners do in a week.

Life member Kristian took out the longest drive and nearest the pin with his down the middle regular play – and let me tell you the longest drive was a cracker. No effort and the ball sailed long and ran a mile even in the wet and boggish conditions. Scott finished the day with a 5 over mar 95, collected the big cheque, gross award and his first major of the season. The rest of us poor saps failed to break the ton. Fifth place went to Tas, Fourth to Mal, Third to Benson, Second to Kristian and the major winner Scooter (F.U.).

I would like to personally thank Tas for the entertainment on watching the second hole. Not only does this say something about the type of man he is it also proves that there is someone else on the course at any given time that is having a worse round than you. Well-done Tas.

Mal…next time punch the ball out to the side and swallow your pride and you will never take 14 shots in a bunker again. Then I guess its something to tell the grandkids about.

To the rest of the Newcastle Medios - what's wrong with you? Are you made of suger? Wash your V JJ’s and make sure you are at the next major the Bratish Open at Royal Belmont. See you all there.