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OC MGA The Bastards 2017 - A New Bastard has Emerged!

"You Bastard!"

Still one of may favorite qoutes/lines/scenes from the movie Ski Patrol back in 1990....It is what we all at the OC MGA were screaming at Mike Desio as he picked up his second Giant Check of the year (this time the proper one) for winning the 2017 OC MGA The Bastards tournament out in Fullerton California. On a Bliisteringly hot day out in Fullerton, 17 slightly hungover souls battled to be crowned the newest Bastard of the OC MGA.....1 such Bastard emerged Victorious.....F$%king Again!


Fullerton Golf course apparently still has not recovered from the drought even after all the rain we had this year, this place was browner than the Jacket being offered up for the winner!  With tight narrow fairways, unmanicured ravines, and drought ravaged grass that challenged every player, this course could easily have been selectede for the upcoming Fore tournament, as it was a frequent yell heard all around the course.  However, through it all and barring the aerated greens, Michael Desio put on yet another clinic of non-mediocre shots securing him the win and the Bastards coveted Brown Jacket and Trucker Hat. Shooting and 84 and earning him $1.26 from what we can only assume is all the practice he gets while "Working" at Roger Dunn.....(a f*^king Golf shop).....This Bastard better have some strokes coming his way soon with all this Above Mediocre play.  Never one to take only a single trophy home, Mike also captured the Closest to the Pin award with a shot that left him roughly 3-4ft away from the cup. Thankfully the rest of us couldnt hit the broad side of a barn so he really didnt have any competition!  

Moving up in the standings yet continuing with his Mediocre consistency, Greg Valenzuela squeaked out a second place finish earning him .84 cents for shooting an 87. Another mover-and-shaker making his presence felt in the MGA, Jim Ryhal captured 3rd place shooting an 88 earning him .70 cents......thats .64 cents more than you earned last time Jim and it moved you right up into 6th place on the money board.,....nice work!  Coming in 4th place and a true Pillar of Mediocrity, Mike Masek picked up .63 cents shooting a 90 on the day...Another tournament in the books and another tournament Mike has not won continuing his reign as the longest active member in the OC MGA to never win a tournament.....One Day Bud, One Day!

Speaking of Mediocrity, Toby Olsen, our fearless leader never one to shy away from shanking the ball in the bushes or careening through the trees, managed to secure himself a 5th place finish shooting 1 worse than he did last tournament with a 92 and earning him a whopping .56 cents.  James White (aka - this guy) slumped in form back to my normal mediocre ways and ended up squarely in 6th place with a 95 and earning .49 cents (that ravine totally screwed me....or it could have been the 18 beers we drank in my cart). Jumping up a few positions in the standings, Fred Valenzuela continued his very average form bettering his previous score of 98 by two strokes and finishing the Bastards in 7 place with a 96 and earning .42 cents and the Most Mediocre award.  Finishing in 8th place and shocking the minds of... well, maybe a few people, Will Orr-(Valenzuela) - yes that Will Orr from last year that was the Leading Red Key Holder for damn near the entire season has emerged as not being sooo terrible after all....well at least in the first two tournaments. Shooting a little worse than last time at 99, but still finising with double digits, earning a cool .35cents (which is more than all of last year's earnings) Will is proving to be a force to be reckoned with in that 7-11th place area!.

John Woods goes from Team partner winner in the Rebel Beac Am-Am, back to his Mediocre self finishing in 9th place shooting an even 100 and earning a meager .28 cents. Certainly a Reality Check for Mr. Woods and i'm sure he will be looking to bounce back from that in the next tournament.  Greg Sr. took full advantage of his Red Key priviledges and quickly realized he never wants to do that again as he was harassed and teased constantly hitting from the ladies tees. Shooting a 102 and moving up in to 10th place with a 102, Greg earned money this time and .21 cents at that...Welcome to the Money board Sr.  Having what seemed like an endless struggle of bad luck and bad Putts, Marcus Hirth again felt the wrath of aerated greens as he slumped to 11th place shooting a 103 (With 5 penalty strokes....which should fall off soon with these scores) earning him .11 cents. Tieing Marcus for 11th place and also earning .11 cents on the day shooting a 103, Charles Day.......Charles...not relation and not the actor...though we were hopeful!  Though the two tied on the day, Charles would have the last Laugh as he was the only person able to hit the Enourmously Wide Open Fairway on the Long Drive hole securing him the Long Drive award.  Rounding out the event and tieing for 13th place Rikin Patel-(Valenzuela) and Jamie Adams both shot a 108......Knowing that he shot so terribly and not wanting to face the possibility of having the Red Key, Jamie decided to leave early, and had it not been for the fact that Rikin wanted the Red Key for next time......We all came to the agreeance that it should have gone to Jamie for leaving!  You are lucky this time Sir....but Rikin may not shoot so poorly next time....especially since he will  be on the Ladies tees with the Red Key!


Dishonorable mention goes to Matt Eshelman and Phillip Valenzuela for disqualiifying from the event by shooting below 80.....Screw you Guys! However, Matt did win the Gross award, so at least he kept that from going to Mike Desio again!

Next Up - The Fore Tournament in Huntington Beach!


Event Results

1.Michael DeSio84$1.26
2.Greg Valenzuela87$0.84
3.James Ryhal88$0.70
4.Michael Masek90$0.63
5.Toby Olsen92$0.56
6.James White95$0.49
7.Fred Valenzuela 96$0.42
8.Will Orr99$0.35
9.John Woods100$0.28
10.Greg Sr. Valenzuela102$0.21
11.Marcus Hirth103$0.11
11.Charles Day103$0.11
13.Rikin Patel108$0.06
13.Jamie Adams108$0.06
17.Phillip ValenzuelaDQ$0.00
17.Matt EshelmanDQ$0.00

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Panel Of Experts (3)


Why are most of the pictures sideways? How high are you, James?

He's probably pretty high

Nice write up despite being blazed