Chapter News

STL MGA The Bratish Open: F**k Brighton

For the first time in Saint Louis MGA history, our event winner is not a Cahokia native. As I am writing this article, "Fuck Brighton", the hit single off of Rob GZ's debut mix tape, "DJ Inward Presents: The Musical Stylings of Rob GZ" soothes my ears. As Rob GZ and DJ Inward scream, "Fuck Brighton, fuck Randy, fuck Ryan." I nod my head to concur.

The Bratish Open 2017 was held at Riverside Golf Club in Fenton, Missouri. The field of twelve was set to tee off early on a gorgeous Saturday morning. Ryan Jenkins, Jason Woolem, and Jonathan Hearty showed up on time and ready to golf. An act that is greatly appreciated by their chapter leader. The rest of the field, not so much.


When things finally got underway, it was Christopher Watson that jumped out to an early lead. Watson managed to get his hands on the elusive par on the opening hole. Unfortunately, Watson's time on top of the leader board would be short lived. 

Coming off of back to back first place finishes, Smith closed out the front nine with a 46. Bell got off to a slow start, dinging a passing SUV on hole one, but quickly recovered to finish the front nine with a 48. Ryan Jenkins put up a 50, and most surprisingly, Jason Woolem finished the opening set with a 51. After posting the worst score of the group, a 59, Roman Cannon decided his time would be better spent elsewhere, and withdrew from the event at the turn. A cowardly act only topped in cowardice by not showing up at all. I will not go into naming names, but Jeremy Moyers, Jim Lyons, and Michael Watson also have DNF's next to their names. 


There were three stories that came from the back nine. One, we got to see a big fucking hawk eat worms on the back of the number fourteen green. Two, Woolem absolutely fucking fell apart shooting a 65. Three, Ryan Jenkins rounded up all of his shit, shoved it all together, and shot a STL MGA record 44 on the back nine. The Ryan Jenkins we saw at The Bratish Open was a far cry from the one we saw giving the last event away to Smith.


At the end of the day, three medios broke 100. Hearty was the most mediocre, Woolem earned the meltdown award, Topher Watson clinched the key to the red tee, and Ryan Jenkins took home the beautiful Claret Juggs and his first big check.

Event Results

1.Ryan Jenkins94$0.63
2.Robert Bell97$0.39
2.Drew Smith97$0.39
4.Phillip Watson107$0.32
5.Jonathan Hearty115$0.28
6.Jason Woolem116$0.25
7.Kyle Pfeffer117$0.21
8.Christopher Watson120$0.18
12.Roman CannonDNF$0.00
12.Elijah MoyersDNF$0.00
12.Michael WatsonDNF$0.00
12.Jim LyonsDNF$0.00

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Panel Of Experts (5)


Dude fuck those people that show up late, and really fuck those people that don't show up at all. I know you probably hear this a lot but you're a really solid guy, and for people to do this to you is total bullshit. It's like cmon people, we have to be considerate of other peoples time. What cause you couldnt roll your fat ass out of bed on time, we as a society have to hold for you. I THINK THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD DIE! The planet is over populated as it is, if you can't figure out how to be on time by the age of 25, what are you offering? THESE PEOPLE ARE BURDENS, SO LETS BURY THEM!

Hey, Bitch. I rolled up at 8:29. And you never gave me a time. I just guessed. So, fuck you. I'll fuck you till you love me, faggot.

Well. For that "I" thank you Kyle. I mean I still beat you even with a massive meltdown.

Pardon me dick licker but the fact that you think 8:29 is on time is your problem. In reference to me "never giving you a time" this website that you just left a comment on has literally everything you need to know about these events. The reason I text you retards is because I know checking this website is waaay beyond what you morons can handle. Next time I'll send you a time with my message.

Tell them 730. They may show up on time.