Chapter News

STL MGA The Douche Bag Invitational: Ryan Jenkins Is A DOOOOOUUUCHE!

Listen, I don't remember much from The Douche Bag Invitational of 2017, not because I was drunk, but because it took place more than a month ago.  I know, I been slacking off, I been jacking off, and I have been hacking (golf reference).  You see in the comedy business they call that the rule of threes.  I'm getting pretty good at writing these things.  Look at this fucking swamp.

Now the reason I posted that picture wasn't because I wanted to show you a swamp on the golf course we played this event at.  No, not at all, it was because it takes up a lot of space on the page and makes the story look longer than it actually is.  Speaking of things that look a lot longer than they actually is, check out Ol Whistle Dick Topher! 

Now the only facts that are noteworthy to me from this event are this.  Ryan Jenkins and Michael Watson played very well.  Ryan Jenkins almost blew it on like hole 17 or whatever, but clinched the win on 18 with a mar or some shit.  Drew Smith, Jason Woolem, (peep that Oxford Comma, I'm fancy) and Robert Bell (I like to refer to myself by name, as if I'm not the one writing these fucking things) were the only ones that dressed up like douche bags. (Did you have trouble following that sentence with all those stupid parantheses?)  This picture is awesome by the way.

I'm a deeply closeted homosexual.

Event Results

1.Ryan Jenkins97$0.76
2.Michael Watson99$0.51
3.Drew Smith105$0.42
4.Phillip Watson106$0.38
5.Robert Bell109$0.34
6.Jonathan Hearty114$0.30
7.Jason Woolem115$0.25
8.Christopher Watson120$0.21
9.Adam Kaufman144$0.17
13.Thom HooperDNF$0.00
13.Elijah MoyersDNF$0.00
13.Kyle PfefferDNF$0.00
13.Derek CrockettDNF$0.00