Chapter News

STL MGA The MGA: Dehydration No Match For Alex Jenkins

On a typical humid August day in Saint Louis, medios converged on Columbia Golf Club to take part in the sixth event of the 2017 season, The MGA. The final major of the season marked the second time the Saint Louis MGA visited Columbia, Illinois, although this time the course was much nicer, don't drive your cart too close to the farm fields though.   

The first hole of Columbia Golf Club sits just to the right of the old brick clubhouse. As the first group approached the first tee box they were greeted with sight of a one hundred foot drop off into a luscious green fairway. This of course meant that some medios were finally going to feel what it was like to get lift on their drives.


Inexplicably, two medios managed to score meagles on the front nine. The first was had by Alex Jenkins on a par 4 #2. Perhaps even more questionable was the meagle scored on a par 3 #6 by resident shitty golfer Jason Woolem.


As the three groups finished the front nine, three medios were sub 50. Robert Bell sat on top (46), Drew Smith had control of second (48), and Alex Jenkins was right on his heels (49). There was a definite glass half full vibe going on as the medios made the turn. What was not half full was the many water coolers throughout the course, that are pretty FUCKING IMPORTANT WHEN IT'S A GOD DAMN THICK 95 DEGREES OUT AND YOU GOT A BUNCH OF OUT OF SHAPE SLIGHTLY INNEBRIATED GOLFERS ON YOUR COURSE TRYING TO GET THEIR CLAMMY HANDS ON A TROPHY AND A GIANT CHECK! Luckily the course marshal said he would have someone out to refill the coolers, he did not, but its the thought that counts, it does not.


Drew Smith stumbled on hole 17 with a triple mogey, leaving Robert Bell and Alex Jenkins to fight it out for The MGA Championship. Also in the first group was Fayetteville MGA transplant Thom Hooper and Ryan Jenkins who tied with a final score of 103. Hooper won the tie breaker by not vomiting on the course.


Alex Jenkins was Captain Clutch on the final four holes finishing with three mirdies and a mar. When Bell stepped on the 18th tee box he knew he needed a mirdie to force a playoff and he knew he wasn't going to get it. Bell's tee shot kicked right and managed to find a stream of water about 6 inches wide. Bell finished the hole with a triple mogey as the whole chapter watched from the clubhouse balcony.


For the second consecutive event, the giant check was leaving with a Brighton native and the contingency of medios gathered around for the award ceremony were not happy about it. As Alex Jenkins accepted his trophy he was met with a crescendo of boos and profanity. Alex quickly gathered his vomiting brother and made his way out of the golf club, seventy-six cents check in hand.


Event Results

1.Alexander Jenkins93$0.76
2.Drew Smith97$0.51
3.Robert Bell98$0.42
4.Ryan Jenkins103$0.36
4.Thom Hooper103$0.36
6.Jason Woolem105$0.30
7.Christopher Watson111$0.25
8.Adam Kaufman128$0.21
9.Kyle Pfeffer132$0.17