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TLH-MGA Last Gasp 2017 Power Rankings

2017 The Last Gasp “Literal” Power Rankings


Let’s be honest, the TLH chapter is stocked with some total lifting bros who like to show off their sick guns.  We’ve got new age muscle; honed by well-planned pilates, kettle-bell, cross-fit, jazzersize, MMA workout regimens paired with the TB12 performance meal subscription.  We also have some old school muscle which can only be built by decades of heavy drinking, manual labor, and regret.  What better way to close out the 2017 power rankings by ranking TLH medios by their actual power?

Hit The Gym

17. Hank Gilbert – I don’t know who you are but your radio station was playing at my dentist’s office this morning.


t16. Steve Hiraga and Phil Willette – Yes Phil is a Marine but that was half a lifetime ago and I don’t have a single memory of him without a cigarette in his hand.  I on the other hand, while relatively healthy, am in constant fear of stiff breezes and holding leashes attached to large dogs.


14. Dustin Heintz – Dustin I’m sorry I left you out of the last power rankings, I actually thought that would be seen as a compliment.  Spot 14 on this list should not be considered an insult as the rest of this chapter is jam packed with lean beef.


13. LHG – I’m gonna be honest here, LHG would be ranked much higher if he were taller and also stronger.  #LHG #legendaryMGAnickname


12. Bogus Biniek – While one occasionally sees the slightest reminder of what was once a stouter and more physically fit young man, there is now only that slight reminder which is mostly covered by a combination of water, hops, yeast, and grain.  Sadly we are left with not a Polish powder keg, but a soft pierogi.


Dad Strength

11.  Ian Kawas – Our only DI athlete, Ian’s game was more about speed than power.  Thanks to father time and fatherhood he no longer has either of those.  What he does have however, is a daughter.  That immediately provided him with the mythical “dad strength” which he will carry indefinitely.


t10.  Dan and Joe Piotrowski – So much working in these guys’ favors.  Both dads.  Both Polish. Both drunks.  Much like their love for Phil, ones level of strength is nearly indistinguishable from the other.  The only solution is a battle of submission, winner gets Phil’s eternal love.


8. Pete Ford – I imagine that 20 years and 30 lbs ago, Pete would be a no-brainer to lead this list.  Unfortunately, strength in America is measured using the imperial system of measurement and not the Australian metric system, whatever that is.  The only kg we have is our favorite Filipino.


Actual Intentional Athletic Fitness

7. Joel Webb – You can act like you’ve never admired JWebb’s calves but you and I know the truth; it’s the first damn thing you look at when you show up to an MGA event.  It’s like somebody replaced his legs below the knees with gigantic eggplants.  I’ve never actually seen JWebb run, but I have seen him hanging near a finish line wearing a medal, so I assume he completed whatever race that was.


6. Keith Gubat – Not only does KG participate in triathlons, but they’re the kind where all three events take place in the same day.  KG has what I call, Pacquiao strength; unassuming, gentle looking, kindness, hiding multiple generations worth of resentment fueled by volcanoes, earthquakes, typhoons, genocide, and American boxers.


5. Bill Fredericks – As far as I know, the only TLH medio who actually makes a living by exercising and teaching others to exercise.  No, he’s not the creepy middle school PE teacher.  No, he’s not the high school football coach who teaches gym and let’s all the girls “hang out” in his office.  He’s an actual physical trainer who would out muscle anybody on this list.  But does that make him strongest?


Crazy Strong

4. Joseph St. Germain – When we were playing poker in Vegas at last year’s MGA World Championship, Joey ghosted us all and left the table with nary a word.  In fact, we didn’t even realize he was gone for quite a while.  Later on a fellow medio (who actually took Joey’s seat) told the story of a man he ran into in the elevator with a green t-shirt and crazy eyes who wanted to fight him.  “I thought this guy was going to fight me for no reason,” he said.  Ian and I looked at each other from across the table and simultaneously mouthed the name, “Joey?”


3. The Turk – The longer the TLH MGA goes without me playing with The Turk, or saying more than our normal pleasantries, the crazier he seems to me because I just have to keep making up his personality in my head.   Although, I’ve lived long enough to look in a man’s eyes and know when not to mess with him.


2. Ross Fitchner – There is literally no limit to the amount of crazy I think Ross is capable of and I am excited to see what his future MGA career has in hold for us.  If you told me he showed up to the last tournament and had replaced all of his golf clubs with hockey sticks and croquet mallets I would be 50/50 on if I believed you.  Do not ever challenge that level of crazy.


The Total Package

1.  There’s one medio who fits into every category mentioned above; hitting the gym, dad strength, actually athletic, and also crazy.  Don’t take my word for it though.  A recent email from BodyTrac Health & Fitness:

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Panel Of Experts (1)


I forgot Gevin and Millar isn't even playing in this. Guess the power rankings are as big of a disaster as our chapter. Honorable Mention: Nicky Mazz would beat all of us combined.