Chapter News

How to play golf with a "good" golfer ... and still enjoy your round

You've accepted that you're a true Medio but other golfers in your group have yet to drink the Kool-Aid.

You're trying to sneak in a warmup round before the next MGA tourney, hoping to figure out at least 1 of the 27 things wrong with your golf game, and you and a buddy get paired up with a "real golfer". In spite of all of your best attempts to get another group to take the "golfer" out with them, You're standing on the range warming up with a beer and a smoke  (because practice happens on the course, not on the range) watching this guy pump ball after ball dead straight and then head over to practice sand shots (as if such a thing can even help). You know you're in for an embarrassing round that he's not going to laugh with you at, so how do you proceed? These few simple tips will keep you in spirits as high as your score and ensure not even the best golfer can ruin your enthusiasm about mediocrity. 

Let him enjoy a long walk 

Most of us know by now, if you happen to get paired up with someone who's walking the course  they're probably much better than you. While some people may cringe at a long round, in all actuality he'll probably be standing under a shade tree by the green as you zip back and forth across the fairway hitting from one group of trees to another. Embrace it, he's out of your way and not gasping and growing ever more impatient moving his solo cart up 50 yards at a time while you hit 5 shots before he hits his 2nd. 


Let him keep score

Most good golfers know exactly what they shot and instinctually keep up with what every other golfer is shooting. While we're standing on the green tracing a finger back and forth across the hole, counting OBs and duffs, they're already telling you you got a 9. This is the perfect chance to own your score like a true Medio and point out you shanked another ball OB while their head was down walking up the fairway in frustration with the Hackery they're forced to endure. "Actually it was an 11". You'll get much more respect from owning your 11 than you will for chipping in from just off the green to "save" yet another triple bogey. 

Resist the overwhelming urge to punch the coach in the mouth

After a half dozen holes or so of watching you hack and swear your way through the round, someone much better than you may offer you a tip on how to improve your game (as if one simple  thing could instantly improve any of our games).  Feel blessed if he offers, you can simply say no thanks, or maybe after the round on the range, or say sure and let him take credit when you eventually hit the inevitable good shot. He'll feel good about helping out a hack and you'll go about your mediocre game without giving his advice a second thought, Win Win.  However, if he doesn't offer and just blurts out "keep your head down" after 3 tops in a row, it's universally acceptable to take a dump in his golf bag while he spends 5 minutes looking at a putt from every potential angle before he sinks it. 

Bet that Betting won't make the round Better

A lot of golfers want to put a little extra on the line to make the round "worth it". Most of the time they're better than you and figure if I gotta waste my time watching this guy card another double digit hole, I might as well lighten his wallet. He'll offer you a stroke a hole or something even more tempting but don't bite! You'll spend your time and energy playing to his game and not on celebrating your lone GIR of the day on a "miracle" shot hitting the green from 185 yds out. 

Goodbye or See you Later?

After the round has finally finished, 115 of your strokes later, the inevitable courtesies must be exchanged. Shake his hand, say great round, and offer to buy a beer or take him up on his offer of a free post round lesson (giving you didn't deficate in his bag). If he really is just a good golfer and not the all too often golfer/ d-bag type, tell him about all the glory that is the MGA. Once he's on our turf, he'll carry strokes and be forced to play from the white tees (at least the first time out) and be DQ'd every time he breaks 80. If nothing else maybe somebody can dethrone SF in Las Vegas in November! Happy Golfing Everyone!!! 

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Panel Of Experts (4)


This article was written as a counterpoint to

excellent advise!

Perfect rebuttal to that stuck-up fuckin article! I try the approach of bringing them to my level by challenging their ego. "Yeah, anyone can hit it down the middle of the fairway; try it after 6 IPA's, a couple medical pipe rips, and a few snorts of whatever-the-fuck this strange powder is that I found in the parking lot."