Chapter News

OG's Represent at the DB

Brian Carson (or Brianna for the day) becomes our 1st Medio to use the Red Key to claim the Big Check and his 1st IEMGA Tourney Win, in a 3 Hole Playoff over Mediocre Tiger.


OG's claimed the top 6 spots on the Leaderboard, including Low Gross, and the Red Key, in a Rare Show of Dominance over the Rookie Young Guns... who were left with Most Mediocre, the Meltdown, and a DNF 




Wild Turkey records his 2nd HOLE-IN-ONE in as many years in MGA Tournament Play !!!!!!!!!!!!! 



BEAUMONT, CA- In our last warm summer afternoon tourney of the year, the IEMGA brought a season-low 21 Medios to the Legends course at The Morongo Golf Club at Tukwet Canyon.  The host of our 2017 FORE! Championship had a few suprises in for us, as we had for them, as the atmosphere at the DBAG is decidedly different than at the FORE! Championship. The course had just reopened a week or so prior, from whatever maintainence courses do at this time of year, and the ROUGH was US OPEN level stuff. Balls disappeared from plain sight and if found, were often advanced only a few yards at a time. But it's a beautiful course draped in sublime serenity, and as the long shadows from ancient oaks tickle your boyish imagination, you can almost forget, you're a Mediocre Golfer and look like a Douchebag.     

If you've read our last article from the MGA Championship, you might recall that I predicted Brianna's Victory at the Dbag, and even though he let me have it for calling him out, it didn't Jinx his eventual victory. But it was a BIG advantage, espically with the rough as tough as it was. Even still, As far as I'm concerned, there is no Asterisk on this Victory, he earned it, especially by battling out 3 extra holes with a not so Mediocre Tiger Garcia. And as the two played a "practice round" together at the course less than 24 hours prior to teeing off, it was only fitting it came down to them in the end. Maybe next time Chris!  

Tukwet Canyon will always hold a special place in our hearts, as a few of our most extraordinary moments have already occured there. This Year it was definitely Jeff "Wild Turkey" Olson's Ace on the 8th hole (Video on Instagram @iemga), but last year it belonged to Tim "19" Minamyer. The 2nd hole is a snaking Par 5 that is split by a usually dry creek down the middle, which if you play in regulation you must cross twice (or take a blind shot over a hill to go for it in two). Anyways, up until Ricky Dick's 23 on #9 at the Bastards this year, Tim's 19 was our highest score recorded on a single hole and it gave him instant IEMGA street cred for being a stand up guy and counting all of his strokes.  Well, one year and four months later, he returned to the scene of the crime and walked away with a Mar (bogey). His ability to conquer his #2 (and #3 for that matter) demons, led to his 5th place finish, and a whole lotta laughs. I'll let the Memorial say the rest...  To be here forever known as Tim's Creek. 

Tim finally survived his namesake hole, but Wild Turkey was not so lucky. He put his tee ball into the garbage, and I have a video of his 2nd and 3rd shots that I keep cracking up to, so look for that later this week on Instagram @iemga. Anyways, he eventually found the green and carded a big number but still significantly less than Tim's infamous 19. But after his Hole-in-One on the 8th, he actually rode the momentum (or booze) all the way in for a 97 and 6th place (best of season) instead of his more typical Meltdown for a 103. It turns out, out of the 14 tournaments Wild Turkey has played in, the only 2 he has broken 100 in are the 2017 & 2018 Douchebag Invitational. Coincidence, I think not... 

While my brother's Ace was certainly the most suprising moment of the day, a close 2nd was when Rookie Medio Dave Young's score came in at a 99. That's when we really knew how tough it was out there that day. Dave has had the most impressive start of any Medio to join the IEMGA. He came in and won his first tournament on a tough course that he'd never played before, and which is notorious for having blind shots into the green. Didn't matter, shot an 80. Next Time out we'll send ya to the Blues, Ok here's an 81... but everyone (but Jstar) went low that day, Ok, MGA Championship... 80 !!! While his handicap strokes had caught up to him by the MGA, he still only missed out on the playoff by One stroke. There's no mistaking it, he's one of our strongest new Medios and a big part of the IE charge for the Chapters Cup. But on this day he won the MELTDOWN AWARD!!! There's a first time for everything, HAH !!!      

Another Rookie Medio making some noise is Eric "Bear" Matteson. I don't believe it got mentioned in the last article but Eric claimed his first Kinda Long Drive at the MGA championship at Soboba. He was pretty stoked. But when he found out that it automatically entered him in the Kinda Longest in the World contest at the MGAWC18, his interest peaked. Apparently enough to make a morning drive back from Vegas (which is rarely ever fun) to attend the DBAG for his 3rd Tournament of the year and make him eligible for VEGAS!!!  Anyways, Big Ole Loveable E-Bear "had a temper-tantrum" and broke his Lob Wedge. But as luck would have it, Turns out he also won the tiebreaker for hitting the most shots out of the sand for STAT of the Tournament... and WON a BRAND NEW 64 degree Wedge. Even Steven. 

Hitting the least amount of Sand Shots on the day was our resident James Bond, Neil Ashworth. Neil was the only one to avoid the Sand all day and since he didn't get to splash his load in the bunker we gave him a pack of Blue Balls...  

Neil's respectable 8th place finish at the DB leaves him currently sitting in the 11th spot on the CML as Brian regained his spot in the Top 10 with his victory. But unfortunately since Neil has to miss the Last Gasp (to fulfill what I assume is many childhood boys dreams, of flying to England to pick up their father, and take them to THE RYDER CUP in France !!! That's some MasterCard Priceless shit for sure), I've done the math and I'm pretty sure the TOP 10 is LOCKED UP. There will probably be some shuffling within the TOP 10 after the Last Gasp, but I believe no one else can break into it. So CONGRATS to ALL YOU MEDIOS WHO MADE THE TOP 10. It was a grind this year but We did it! Yay!!! You are automatically QUALIFIED FOR VEGAS!!! Tough break for Neil on the bubble but if there's anyone we don't have to worry about being able to play through the LO-IQ its him. I'd even call out he's gonna be in the Top 10% of LO-IQ scores after Day 1, as long as the Belagio's Baccharat tables and Great Barrier Reef Coral Skin Debuffer Treatment at Le FuFu Eh, don't keep him away.   


Another Medio that can cruise through the LO-IQ (unless he wins the Last Gasp) is Brian "Dr. Bob" Lopez. Dr Bob bounced back from a disappointing return at the MGA Championship, to shoot 84 and Win Low Gross at the DBAG (finish T-3rd). While at first glance, some might observe the outward sweeping leg motion Brian employs and say Dr. Bob needs a swing doctor... but it goes damn straight!!! He strikes his irons well and is pretty handy with his short stick (that's what she said). If I recall he even knocked in two putts from the fringe for Mirdie during the round. Point is, he can score and somehow, someway, gets it done with that follow through. Once El Presidente gets a broadcasting deal with ESPN6-Bulgaria, kids all over the Eastern Bloc will be leg sweeping their way to Mediocre Glory. 

Cl J "far from a star" Olson was in full Jstar attire, complete with a mustache and something he called a Mediocre Mullet-Hawk. It was also debated what was more ridiculous, his outfit, or the fact that he probably pulled it out of his existing wardrobe ( I definitely did ). But Jstar did finish in a tie for 3rd, and win his first award of the season, a twosome to come back to Tukwet for hitting a kinda long putt of 18'6". There sure was a lot of magic for the Olson boys on #8 on Saturday September 15th, 2018.   

And Last, but not.... wait... ya probably the least impressive thing of the day, was the DNF from "Hungry" Howie Henry. Triple H (wait, i think that names already taken) didn't claim injury, or hunger pains, or offer anything other than something along the lines of, "after i lost my fifth ball 2 inches off of the fairway, I just sat down in the cart and refused to get up"... Where's a wincy face emoji when you need one?  Howie's enthusiasm about the IEMGA has been apparent from his first tournament, when he demanded CL Jstar clean his ball with his pants for not bringing a wet towel to the green he had hit in regulation. That may sound confusing, but if you're well-rehersed in Medio-lore, as he was from the start, you should know exactly what I mean. Anyways, for someone who's as Medio as they come, and has made every tournament, to just give up.... It's.... It's.... Well I guess its nothing more or less than Mediocre. But at least Devin owned his 108 (winky face emoji).      

Event Results

1.Brian Carson88$1.35
2.Christopher Garcia88$0.90
3.J "far from a star" Olson90$0.71
3.Brian Lopez90$0.71
5.Tim Minamyer94$0.60
6.Jeff Olson97$0.53
7.Eric Matteson98$0.45
8.Neil Ashworth99$0.38
9.Josh Schuler101$0.30
10.Chad Youngquist102$0.23
11.Anthony Gallardo105$0.15
12.Lyman King106$0.08
13.Jason Moyer107$0.06
13.Dave Young107$0.06
15.Colin Lawrence108$0.04
16.Ryan Kelly109$0.02
17.Devin Hundley112$0.00
18.Richard Dunham117$0.00
19.Steve Woodland119$0.00
20.Lawrence Kelly121$0.00
21.Howard Henry IVDNF$0.00