Chapter News

Pfunlkjhker Kisses the Jugs

I really felt like I had this one in the bag but Austin had other plans, here's more from him. 

We couldn’t have asked for a better day at Edelweiss Saturday, as prime conditions awaited the 13 Medios who came to compete for the most sought-after prize in the MGA. The course was in pristine condition, with perfectly manicured fairways awaiting the few among us who could actually hit them, and lush bullshit immediately off the fairways rendering the course way too tight for a set of MGA players.

Coming into the round I had spent the weekend prior disappointing my playing partners by not pulling my weight, and spent the night before trying to figure out a tee shot that would work for me to absolutely zero success, so expectations were extremely low in my attempt to chase down the chapter leader atop the season money list. I tried my damnedest to bring my A-game in the off-course aspect to get some good vibes, with some pants from Scotland and by actually showing up before my group was on the tee box for once, and that was enough to at least pass my bad-tee-shot juju on to Ken, who put two in the shit immediately left of the tee box on #1 while I shockingly put one down the middle. Fortunately for Ken his kilt meant he blew everyone away in the best-dressed department, so he absolutely earned his Key to the Red Tee for Deer Valley.

It was a frankly shocking front 9, missing only two fairways and one green but still finding a way to make a bunch of bogeys with 4 3-putts (shows what I get for showing up in time to actually check out the practice green). Things were looking grim at the start with Mike somehow rattling off pars from the tips, even after barely carrying the cabbage off #3. Fortunately I tactically distracted his playing partners on #5 while he smoked his second directly into the sun, resulting in a lost ball and eventual 9 that gave me my opening. All my harping on him to make a bogey paid off, but I was still stuck watching Micah who was still clearly in the mix.

The back 9 opened me up to some more mistakes, as I spent holes alternately 3-putting some more or hitting tee shots in hazards on gettable par-5 (one that I had to follow immediately by watching Jeremy hit his absolutely ridiculous nuke to take long drive, which really felt good). In fact I also 3-putted that hole. But, a couple spiked Arnold Palmers, a swig of Ken’s tequila, and a couple up-and-downs late helped me squeeze out a few pars and post an 81, which I figured would be in the mix. I knew Micah was still in the running because he asked me as I passed him on 14 tee if I wouldn’t mind making some doubles or triples already – little did he know he’d be better off rooting for me to make pars for a DQ, but he at least managed to grab the Mediocre Award for his troubles.

With the first groups in, my 81 with penalty strokes had me right in it with Mike, who had already posted an 88. Thanking myself for managing to 2-putt 18 against all odds, we just had to watch Matt, who could birdie 18 to squeeze into the playoff with us. His bogey meant it was a two-man showdown, which I was both desperate to win to stay in the money list race, and surely expecting to lose because I always expect to choke.

Terrified that I’d be stuck putting for my life, I was glad to hear that we could play #10 again for the playoff, and graciously accepted the opportunity to face off with our Fearless Leader from the blues rather than running the risk of losing from a tee up to boot. Winning the coin toss meant I got to watch him hit his tee ball fat to about 185 out with the corner trees and OB right to contend with, along with a back right pin on what amounted to frankly just a stupid green. Heart pounding, that let me just poke a 5 iron to short of the 150 marker. Once Mike blocked his second out of bounds, the door was open. A 25 yard pull of my second shot was no big deal, and after pitching up and conceding Mike’s putt for 7, I had 3 putts to claim the big check, something I’ve wanted in my life for years.* I slid in my par and basked quietly in the glory of my first MGA title.

(*Author’s Note: If I managed to 4-putt that for a halve I was going to concede the whole playoff out of sheer embarrassment)

With Ken getting the key to the reds, and Keith snatching a close Meltdown award with his amazing 16 differential, Jim has to be considered the hard-luck loser, with his 15-shot differential from back to front somehow not being enough to claim an award despite easily being enough for his group to suddenly disappear from the tee boxes behind us.

Looking forward to Deer Valley and my chance to further make up ground on the money list, gotta love a course where the blues aren’t that far behind the whites!