Chapter News

A Quick Look Back at The Bastards

Rookie Medio Shane Wells Wins his 1st Major (and Big Check) and takes the early CML Lead 


Devin Finally Gets a Kinda Long Drive


And Ricky Dick sets a new mark for Futility, although Screw You Kyle desperately wanted that Red Key

JURUPA VALLEY, CA- Back on 4/20/19, The IEMGA contested The Bastards at Indian Hills Golf Club for the 3rd year in a row. In CL Jstar's initial 3 year plan of, let's see if this MGA thing will work, The Bastards was the only tourney scheduled to stay at the same course every year, to mimic The Masters. Since the course has made it clear that they couldn't give a shit if we come back and a unfortunately a majority of our Medios feel the same, it was a little bit of the end of an era there, at least for the next year or two. But on to the Positives...

New to the IE this year was The Bastards Par 3 contest held at Van Buren Golf Center on Thursday evening, 2 days prior. Only 6 Medios showed up which allowed Jstar to get the 1st semblance of a win since 2017. It was a good time on a shitty little course.

Also new this year was The Drink of Champions... Last Year's Bastards Champion Tommy Gun Cochran chose Southern Comfort with Dr. Pepper Chasers to get things going. 


Once we got out, things were pretty Mediocre as normal. Over the span of the 3 Bastards at Indian Hills, only aprox 33% of Medios have broken 100. Tight fairways and OB everywhere has played havoc on our scores and this years Stat of the tourney reflected that. Colin "C-Law" Lawrence walked away with a prize for being the only Medio to go without an OB on the day. Conversely, albeit In a tiebreaker, The Ginger Cam Man walked away with a big bag o balls for hitting 14 OB's.

As mentioned, Devin finally won a Kinda Long Drive of which he typically has many, but apparently rarely on the long drive hole. I was witness to it and it was a thing of beauty, didn't get the final yardage but it was easily over 300 on the severely downhill Signature hole. Tiger Garcia won another Kinda Close on an otherwise disappointing day as he looked (and dressed) to repeat Tiger Woods Masters win but came up well short. At least he snuck his way back into the top 10 in a tie with Jstar @99.

Defending Champ Tommy Gun won yet another Low Gross but his strokes dropped him to 5th, while New Medio Brent Presnell came in 2nd in his 1st tourney. Unfortunately he's soon moving out of the area but apparently we made a good enough impression that The MGA might be getting it's first Alabama Chapter next Year. Or Arkansas, Mississippi? I dunno somewhere in the Dirty South.... Anyways, in other news, Steve "Woody" Woodland was the envy of all as he took Most Mediocre on the Day.    

Woody may have had his struugles with the 9th hole this year, but last year Ricky "Dick" Dunham set the chapter mark by carding a 23 on the hole. So of course we memorialized that with a cardboard plaque this year. To get revenge he broke another record of his and shot what can only be described as a completely apathetic 150, besting his 148 from two years ago when he was new to the game and genuinely struggling. Needless to say he won the Red Key.

But "Screw You" Kyle tried... he really really tried to win his 1st Red Key... Carrying the most penalty strokes in the chapter, Kyle's rapid decent into the golf equivilant of a K-hole has been something to watch... although you might wanna look away. Before his 133 (+9) at The Bastards, the last tourney score he recorded was a legitimate 72, a Seventy-Freakin-Two... Even Par... a mark that will likely never be beat. His fall has been Tiger-esque for sure but without all the loose women and pain pills, (that comes later...)  He nonetheless won a meltdown award which was launched into the parking lot to return it to from whence it came. 

But in the End, Shane won with a 91... our highest winning score in over a year. His back to back 91's has put him in the early CML lead ahead of his Buddy and defending CML Champion Tommy Gun.  Shane may not be the favorite to hold on to the lead all year, but he is gonna be real hard to knock out of the Top 10 with his consistently "Mediocre" play in the low 90's. A fitting a Champion as any, he promised to wear the jacket with pride, or burn it and get something respectable, and return to defend next year... Can't wait to sip on that new Drink of Champions. 

Event Results

1.Shane Wells91$1.26
2.Brent Presnell92$0.84
3.Devin Hundley93$0.70
4.Tim Minamyer94$0.63
5.Tommy Cochran95$0.53
5.Eric Matteson95$0.53
7.Rockin Ryan 97$0.42
8.Kenny Carlson98$0.35
9.Christopher Garcia99$0.25
9.Josh Olson99$0.25
11.Jeff Olson100$0.14
12.John Dapsis 101$0.06
12.Tom O'LEARY101$0.06
12.Dave Young101$0.06
15.Steve Woodland103$0.03
15.Jason Moyer103$0.03
17.Chad Youngquist104$0.00
18.Brian Whitworth105$0.00
18.Brian Carson105$0.00
20.Josh Schuler108$0.00
21.Colin Lawrence110$0.00
22.Lawrence Kelly112$0.00
22.Markus Doll112$0.00
24.Cameron McLeod122$0.00
25.Kyle Rossi142$0.00
26.Richard Dunham150$0.00