Chapter News

So Long and Thanks for all the Mogeys

INLAND EMPIRE, CA -  I know, I know, you've heard it everywhere, 2020 sucked as much as any year in memory. So in golf terms that's like carding a quad when you're finally on your way to a great round, or maybe more like slappin' the dreaded birdie to double four putt, which can kill ya like COVID at literally anytime. There's surely no shortage of disappointing analogies out there but just about everyone is past ready to close the book on this year. Thinking back to the tragedy of Kobe's passing to start it off, and all of the other losses we've experienced since, sometimes it helps to try to focus on the positives... although I don't know why I would direct your attention to the golf course to find them. But anyways, here we went and at least we got an entertaining Weekend at Fatty's and a new Morley in the MGA family out of the deal. So Hello and Happy New Year to y'all and a big collective Goodbye to 2020 !!! 

So admittedly, The Last Gasp didn't get it's own write up as it well deserved, let alone with the year end awards in addition, and nor did the surprisingly successful IEMGAWC at Indian Wells, so instead of breaking them down seperately, or just ignoring it all completely, I'm just gonna Bear Smash them all together here and assume most of you wil probably stop reading anyway somewhere within a paragragh or so of this and I'll just ramble on until somehow the article just kinda ends. If you've been around, you know that's nothing particularly new.  

So our 2019 Rookie of the Year, Johnny "Two Gloves" Dapsis finally got his long deserved 1st win at the Last Gasp. Cinderella story and all that. I dunno if that's really true, but people say it, so... so will I. He also found his way into the final pairing at IEMGAWC after the Round 1 standings. But he turned that into a Meltdown award. Hey, that's 2020 alright.  

Our 2020 Rookie of the Year somewhat unsurprisingly was Rookie Bobby Smith. With steady improvement throughout the year, a failed playoff to settle for 2nd brought his name into the conversation, but his 1st win the following tourney, as the only rookie to do so this year, pretty much sealed the deal. That and 7 outta 8 tourneys attended helped him finish strong in 6th place on the CML. Great Rookie Year bud.    

Steve "Woody" Woodland also found a way to sell shit sandwiches in the shit mine of 2020. Three long years after joining, Woody had his coming out party at Redhawk as he shot an 89 to break 90 in a tourney for his 1st time ever! I mean FFS, before this season he had only broken 100 once, so this year as a whole was quite an improvement. And as some of you may know, people really love when other people prove them right, so as it was already decided before The Last Gasp that Woody was our Most Improved Medio of 2020, it was great to see him break the milestone and take 2nd place for his highest finish ever and prove the selection right. Oh, and Lyman "Pain Train" King won honorable mention for most improved, not really cause he actually improved, just cause he started actually playing like he supposedly already had been outside of tourneys some three years later. Haha.     

OG "Screw You" Kyle Rossi made his 1st and only appearance of 2020 at the Last Gasp and promptly won another Kinda Long Drive cause that's kinda what Kyle does. A man who's reputation precedes him, Kyle was in high demand as usual and I was lucky enough to get a few words in with him before the swarm of beer goggled bar flies enveloped him. He said and I quote, "It's really good to back, its been far to long. The IEMGA is the best league ever and I can't wait for next season. You are the best CL, so handsome and good at golf, I just love this all so much"... end quote.  

Rookie Andrew "Dom" Dominici misread the MGA rules when joining and instead of putting his most recent scores in for his handicap, he put his best scores ever in from the Tiger Woods 2007 Video Game. With his reported average 18 hole score being somewhere near the 50's, he laboured all season with his handicap and carded Net Scores in the 100's every time out to win MOST UNIMPROVED MEDIO of 2020. Either that or he just really plays to the level of his competition... haha sorry bud, we're probably not getting any better at this, you gotta step it up on your own... or don't... we really don't care either way.   

So this guy joined late season and obviously gets it... 

But Tyler Vickers also must've read the same MGA rule section as Dom cause his reported 13.6 handicap hasn't quite translated to tournament play, when he has to hit it off of Frankenstein's Fat Foot. But hey, it's ok, you still got a killer smile.  

Dave "D.Y." Young's handicap dropped him to 10th place at the last gasp but he was still mentioned for winning The Least Mediocre Moment of the Year from when he carded two Malbatrosses and went -4 through 4 holes to start off the MGA back in May vs OCMGA. In case you didn't know, D.Y. is kinda a bad-ass. Keep on Keeping on my dude. 

Another IEMGA OG, Jason "J-Money" Moyer says peace out for the final time as he brings his considerable Mediocrity to the DFW chapter. See ya in Vegas for  MGAWC'21 !!! 

Jstar and Wild Turkey contemplate bringing boy bands back ...

And a few other stats while we're here... 

Tommy Gun had the Lowest Gross Score of the Year with a 78 at the D-Bag... fitting place to DQ.. And Ricky Dick carded the highest score of the year with his 136 at the Bratish, ya that tourney when I beat him in a dress, granted I was on the lady tees... 

Most Mediocre Moment of the Year should have either gone to NotTheChamp Dan Butz for stealing the belt in '19 or to 2020 GML "Champ" OCMGA Rookie Travis (isn't it) Strange I've shot under my "handicap" every tournament since I joined, but alas, we looked inward and gave a shout out to Chris "Tiger" Garcia because although he is the only other Medio outside of myself to play in every single tournament in our history, for the 1st time ever this season, he finished Outside the Money at the MGA. More amazing than Mediocre really but the world took alot from us this year so this is all we had to give back.       


Devin wrapped up a Most Mediocre at the Last Gasp but still had another solid season cashing his 2nd Career Big Check while playing in 7 of 8 tourneys and finishing in 8th on the CML. 

So Congrats if you've made it this far, and Apologies it took this long to finally get to the good good buried on page 7 under the fold. Our Highest Honor of the Year is The Mediocre Golfer of the Year award and what can I say about this years recipient? Well I had a whole speech at the Last Gasp which brought a standing ovation and I heard someones head might have exploded but at least excerpts of it can be found online on Instagram @IEMGA if you don't believe me of its epicness... but anyways, I'll give you this lil quip in addition. Neil "007" Ashworth's Golf Game can be at times brilliant, his swing famously "an intoxicating mix of power and ellegance", but it can also be even Shittier than this year has been when he gets in the habit of driving to 40 yards short of the green and then 4 duffs his way to a 6. He had his Highest and Lowest Scores ever this year and no matter how shitty the year or his game was, you're still happy to have a beer with him even though he's a shittier person than both his game and the year combined. No Looks, Charisma, Skill, Just an utter lack of Talent anywhere in his perfectly chiseled body. Fucker. We Love You. 3rd on the CML and a whole lotta memories for being "Most Likely to..." Puke on the Course by hole 4 on Day 2 of IEMGAWC.  

So Neal got alot of Love and PsuedoHate but the year really belonged to our CML Champion, Brian "Dr Bob" Lopez. This OG made 7 of 8 regular season tourneys, the most he's played in a year before and after taking the win at the MGA in May he never trailed the rest of the way. Somehow his unorthodox matador swing just works and translates to consistancy which can get you a long way in a chapter that is severely lacking in it.   

As if that wasn't enough, Dr. Bob put an exclamation point on the year by doubling down and winning the two day total IEMGAWC at the Indian Wells Golf Resort. We joked he didn't win it as much as sucked the least but either way he got it done at the end of the day and although he got another trophy and accolades, the courses really were the stars of the weekend. 

Oh and Last but Never Least, OG Brian Carson was awarded Comeback Medio of the Year for 2020, the 1st year it was awarded. After a surprisingly strong 2018 season, he started out the 1st half of 2019 with a goose egg and struggled to even finish the year at a whoppin 33 cents. But in 2020 he started out on fire as one of the Am-Am Co-Champions and followed it up with a 2nd place at the MGA. he threw in another runner up at The Bastards and even with a few hiccups finished in 7th on the CML and in the rare 8 for 8 club for regular season tourneys played. And just like he followed in Dr Bob's footsteps at the MGA, he also finished the year runner up to him at IEMGAWC. Congrats on your comeback year Brian. See ya in 2021 !!! 

And on that note I'm gonna wrap this up. Thank you to you all for keeping the IEMGA going strong. It's been a challenging year and as I hope next year, our 5th (!!!) wil be super epic, I'm already taking the lesson of lowered expectations to heart so I won't be disappointed, I suggest you do the same and you'll always have a good time regardless of who beats who out for what shitty award. Cause if there weren't fucks to be given, we'd be quite the uncharitable bunch. I don't really know exactly what's that supposed to mean but my drinky drank is callin and I'll see y'all back out on the course next season. Cheers and Happy New Years!!!