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TLH-MGA The Bastards 2019 Power Rankings

November through February can be pretty boring with no MGA.  Sure we have football to help us pass the time, but last time I checked none of us are actual participants.  Any glory has to be experienced vicariously, followed by the cold snap back to reality. During these dark times TLH medios have been known to go to some weird places, one that specifically comes to mind is when our CL decided it was a good idea to take a stand against Prince.  Like I said, dark times. Therefore, it was an inevitability that I was going to do a Prince themed power rankings and what better tournament then our most prestigious. Let’s go crazy.

  1. Purple Rain - Our very own blend of pop, rock and R&B; many believe it is time for TLH OG Joey St. Germain to put on the blue trucker hat and take one more step towards the career grand slam.  Not to mention the fact that purple is Joey’s favorite color, the passion of Joey’s desire to win is matched only by the passion of Prince on Purple Rain (side note: Purple Rain=PR=Power Rankings)..  Hopefully Saturday’s finale will be as epic as the song’s.

  2. When Doves Cry - Following the hard fought battle at the Am-Am another second place finish to Joey, especially at an event like The Bastards, may lead to tears rolling down the face of our CL, Ian.  You only get one shot per year at this and if Ian falls short he may find himself singing, How can you just leave me standing, alone in a world that’s so cold?


  3. Let’s Go Crazy - It’s gonna take a little crazy to make this call, but I’m not alone in supporting the idea that Dan Piotrowski will come out of nowhere to win a tournament soon.  What better chance than The Bastards being played on a muni course. Dan represents all the good things about muni-golf; zero pretension and a game honed on skirting the OB line, working your way out of jail back to the fairway, and scrambling for mar.  I can’t think of a better setting for Dan’s first big check.

  1. Sign o’ the Times - Perhaps Prince’s darkest song; an exploration of drugs, disease, violence, and poverty that he was witnessing as the major issues of the 80s.  Doesn’t seem like much has changed only we’ve got new faces and new names. What we should have learned from recent events is sometimes the bad guy wins and you just have to stick it out because new opportunities will arise.  Last year’s Bastards champion was not the one we had hoped for, a cold reality for TLH MGA, but here we are filled with new hope and a chance for the MGA Spirit Animal to forgive us our transgressions. Save us J Webb you’re our only hope.


  2. 1999 - Prince’s exploration of the end of the world proved to be an anthem for the end of the millenium.  As much hope that is possible for us as described above, don’t forget there is also a possibility of more darkness.  It has been rumored that much of the time spent during his specious 2018 hiatus, Bill Schack was working on his game, straightening his drives and fine tuning his short game.  Does one deserve to put on the blue trucker after abandoning his fellow medios? Probably not but there are no rules against it so prepare yourselves to accept a Bill Schack crowning.


  3. Little Red Corvette - Prince’s plea to a fast moving love that she should slow things down and appreciate the love she has in front of her.  Will Allen Ball take that advice to heart? Possibly TLH’s leading scorer in the hotel rewards count, Allen seems to keep his foot heavy on the gas pedal but as a former champion can tell you (me) there are times in a Bastards round where you need to remember that the pressure is on everybody and to take home a W you need to slow things down and keep making average shots and semi-decent lag putts.

  1. KISS - This is a track where Prince keeps it simple.  He knows what he wants and there is nothing that can distract him from his quest.  For 101 the wounds of a lost Bastards are not fresh, but they are not forgotten. The ghosts of a putt off 3 putt will only be exercised by a win, any way he can get it, at any cost.


  2. Darling Nikki - For Prince, Nikki was an encounter like he never had before.  A voracious sexual appetite accompanied by tools and devices. For TLH, Nicky is also an encounter that has never been matched.  His voracious appetite is for big checks and there is definitely an opportunity for our first two time Bastards champion. Bring on the meatballs.


  3. Raspberry Beret - Another tale of new love found in places you weren’t expecting, Prince goes into great detail about finding the girl in the raspberry beret while working in a five-and-dime.  None of us might be expecting to find KG holding his first title at the Bastards but remember this is another Hilaman veteran whose game has been getting better and better. There is no doubt a chance KG could be saying, “They say the first time ain’t the greatest, but I tell ya, if I had the chance to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a stroke.”  Prince was talking about golf right?


  4. The Beautiful Ones - To all of the medios who weren’t mentioned above you can still surprise us and win.  This is anybody’s tournament and winning it changes your MGA status in an indescribable way. Just remember if you do win, it’s never too late to start planning next year’s breakfast.  I encourage you to come witness the Breakfast of Winners to understand what you’re playing for. For the rest of you I’ll leave you with one more Prince lyric; “You make me so confused, the beautiful ones, you always seem to lose.”

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Panel Of Experts (1)


im just gonna say this...... you dun screwed up A-Aron! You have ignited the fire.... the score to beat will be 90 tomorrow...mark my words